Last week I gave same shine to my 10 more popular post. This week, I wanted to give even more shine to my 10 least popular posts, between 1 to 3 views! Sacre bleu!
Granted, a lot of these posts were from 2016, when I wasn’t blogging as regularly. But there are some good thoughts in here about my life journey that are worth revisiting.
- an ode to OK Computer – Radiohead’s OK Computer had a 20th anniversary last year, and I wrote about what this album meant to me and the time in my life I was listening to it heavily. I was really proud of this and was shocked that only one person viewed this piece.
- The roller coaster mystery – a short post on how I was trying to hang in there with the roller coaster of life.
- waiting on something decent and good – this was about a really dark time in Winter 2017.
- Mud walk – rough times right after my contract wasn’t renewed and coming back from home after Hurricane Matthew
- It’s all in the timing – Yeah, October 2016 sucked.
- “I accept that”/the lost tribe – Also March 2017 really sucked.
- Calling on the right ones – A lesson about asking the right people for help, which I’m still learning.
- When there’s nothing left to say – A post-birthday fuck you to 2016.
- a buyer’s market – A missive to my fellow straight women about dating men
- woo (hoo) woo – The real first post of my blog post, but then my spiritual journey changed drastically as it sat in my drafts.
It’s tough to look back on these posts, since a lot of how I feel hasn’t changed because a lot of my circumstances haven’t changed–they’ve even worsened!
It really hurts to feel like at times, I’m still walking in mud, that I’m still waiting on something decent and good, that I’m still holding on for dear life on the roller coaster mystery of life.
Today I pulled the 9 of Pentacles as my tarot card of the day, and I felt disheartened (yesterday’s card was 5 of Cups).
When is this rich, self-sufficient lady going to show up?
It’s sad when one of the card I typically would love to see comes up as encouragement, but right now, it feels like I’m being taunted.
One thing that has changed, though, is who is in my life. And that keeps changing–but it seems to be changing for the better.
I found out this month that two friends, one from the East Coast and one from the West Coast, had included me in their rituals for more money. And it’s seemed to have worked!
I’m still so touched know that although it’s still a very lonely existence here in Florida, there were two friends who thought of me and my wellbeing–and did something positive about it.
Even with my visit to the metaphysical store this past Friday, I wanted to see if the energetic shifts that I had made since the total solar eclipse last August and beyond had made any difference.
I had visited back in February and really hated the vibe. As a friend told me, usually people who are in those stores are looking for help, thus low vibes.
This time, I went and it was pleasant.
I had 3 candles fixed (candle fixing means adding herbs, spices and oils to a candle, usually a 7-day candle), and the woman who did it, she really was in tune with what I was thinking and feeling. Just getting the candles fixed was a supportive and healing experience.
And although one of the candles started as an oily, fiery, seething mess, two of them are burning now–one for love and one for money. And I can feel the difference.
But will it be enough? I really don’t know.
I know I want positive change, and that I’ve been working hard on this. My blog reflects on some of those efforts to go past surviving to thriving.
That sustained effort takes a little bit of hope.
And hope takes work. “Hope is a discipline.”
Hope is not like some feathery thing that floats in on the wind. Hope is something that I have to cultivate and grow, every single day.
I’m fed up enough to grow some real hope in my life. And as I burn these candles this week, I’ll think about all the steps I took for me to get here, and how I’m even more ready to write a new story for my life.
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